In the Mirror
by Tankar
Summary: Kurama reflects on the one thing he hates most. Angsty, semipoetic view on Kurama's thoughts when he looks in the mirror. Rated as such for language and referrence to gore.


In the Mirror

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or anything else. Hell, I don't even own my computer! If I didn't know any better, I'd say I don't own my own innards! But I do, so… I do!

A/N: Ugh, I have a stomachache… I thought of this idea while I was washing my face in the bathroom and took a good looking the mirror. I certainly don't hate the way I look, but I can think of a lot of ways to change for the better. This is Kurama/Shuichi, in the same situation. Its sort of poetic and angsty. The two things that shouldn't be within a million mile radius of me. But. Here I am. Writing about it. Saa, I needed a break from my other story; 5 rushed chapters in 2 days. I shouldn't have done that. 3 days into my relived story-writing days and I already feel a block coming. Hopefully, writing this is will give me the fuel I need to get my ass in bed, sleep, wake up, and write again! P Its in Kurama's POV by the way.

In the Mirror

Water.

I eased the tap on, turning the knob slightly to the left to allow the flow of warm water. Rolling the long sleeves of my green nightshirt, I reached over the sink for a bottle on the counter.

It's strange, really. I spent hundreds of years in the Makai. Constantly sweating, bleeding, covered in dirt, chewing on the entrails of my latest victim. With nothing but the rain and whatever water source I could find as my cleansing, but my body showed no signs of the many scars I bore beneath the skin.

Water.

Ever since I regained my strength from fleeing to the ningenkai, I despised my own reflection. Mirrors, glass cases, liquids itself. Anything that dared to reflect, I despised. I hate it.

No.

I hate myself.

I notice the water in the sink is beginning to rise. The flow must be too fast for the drain to keep up. I ease it down to a barely above a drizzle, before applying some of the substance from the bottle onto my pale fingertips. It's some sort of face cleanser. I really don't care for its label. Shiori had gotten it for me at some point in my teenage life, and I only had to start using it of late, when my human side began to kick in. I had to keep my face, my hair- my body, unblemished, perfect, and beautiful.

Something I'm not.

I remember once, something Hiei had told me. Something along the lines of nobody having a perfect spirit. No one being completely innocent, for if there were such a person, they'd be a shallow soul.

And somehow, I can't help but feel jealous for one as such.

Its selfish, the way I think. In earlier times, I'd simply kill those I envied, those I were jealous of. Some may think, 'Who does the great Youko Kurama have to be envious of?'

Hmph. You know nothing.

I've everything to be jealous of. I'm fake. I'm so fake. Unreal. I'm a shell, that's all I am. I'm an empty shell with a tag that simply shouts, 'Perfect son. Elegant, beautiful, smart, kind, funny. YOU are the envy of everyone. Not the other way around.'

But it is the other way around, isn't it?

It is time to rinse now. I lean over the counter slightly, letting crimson locks fall to the side just to be brushed back again. Inhaling deeply, I hold my breath as I splash a generous amount of the warm liquid on my face, scrubbing off any excess that might have clung along my hairline.

Slowly I look up, only to shut my eyes when I catch a glimpse of the human staring back at me in the mirror. The imposter. The bastard. That God damned fake.

I hate looking in the mirror, because I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll see the one I hate the most. The one everyone loves but knows nothing about. The one who killed without a second thought, but kills now, only to regret later. The one who hides behind the mask of a perfect child like some sort of coward.

I hate looking in the mirror, because I'm afraid I'll see the one I hate most.

I hate looking in the mirror because I'm afraid I'll see…

Me.

A/N: Well, Boo-hoo, Kurama! Oh, suck it up you little b----! Anyway, that was just a little 'spur of the moment' type of thing; don't expect too many stories like this one from me. I hope you enjoyed Kurama beating himself up for acting like something hes not. Personally, I don't really like Kurama or Youko Kurama on their own. I mean, a ruthless killer on his own is boring, but so is an elaborative nerd with a whip. Put the two together, and you get something mildly interesting. I hope you enjoyed it! I'm thinking about writing similar things with the rest of the cast, but, eh, I dunno, I can only take so much self-loathing sap. Chapter 6 of Cloud Nine will be up soon! So, don't touch that dial and stay tuned for the next episode of: Cloud Nine-ball Z!


End file.
